The Acolyte

"Starwars without the war"


3/26/20243 min read

Disney's The Acolyte is the new brainchild of Harvey Weinstein's former personal assistant - Leslye Headland. When asked what we could expect, Headland's summation was "frozen meets KillBill"..

Now, I was under the impression that a trailer is, at the very least supposed to tell you about the show you're going to watch. I guess that was silly of me, because after watching said trailer the only information you get is that somebody is killing Jedi (and no it isn't Disney). "What's happening?", "Who's that?" and "what's the fucking plot?" usually aren't the things one thinks while watching the trailer for a great show.

Hold the phone! you definitely notice ONE constant while viewing this trailer; Women. Strong diverse women. "NOOO! This isn't a political message wrapped in shit. look, lightsabers!"

With bland analogous characters adorned with bland robes, dotted athwart a bland looking script; one thing truly stands out with The Acolyte and that's.. DIVERSITY! Give the trailer a go, since there's no information to obtain, I want you to play a little game of "spot the white guy". After watching through a second time I think one of us managed to sneak in; like a Jew joining the SS. Keep your enemies close, ay ladies?

This show is said to take place in a time of "peace and prosperity for the republic", around 100 years before the events of the StarWars prequels. It gives off the message that the republic is at the zenith of it's power because it is being run by women... run primarily by women... just before everything.. collapses.. What kind of witless bucket of shit wrote this?!

Once again, Disney StarWars is showing it doesn't know it's audience. It's just another monotonous cash-grab with an agenda that leaves fans once again asking "Why?". The money and people are there, why can't they just make good shows about FUCKING SWARWARS?! A show that actually EXPANDS on the universe we all love, not some woke memorandum of "issues" and cringe-empowered battles against oppression and the white patriarchy. It has no place in StarWars but they don't care, they will continue to push this type of mind-numbing sludge until the money dries up and Bob Iger throws himself from Cinderella's castle with a bungee chord made from snow tire chains.

The basic premise of this show is a reversing of the typical StarWars story where good wins over evil.. ok. Isn't that like.. the one takeaway you get from StarWars? If you boil it all down to one stand-alone theme, I wager my left rotator cuff that GOOD vs EVIL is what you're left with. I'm not old enough to remember the original StarWars movies as they premiered, but like most kids I became a fan through watching the movies. I remember a detailed universe filled with iconic heroes and villains. I remember learning about perseverance and sacrifice, stories about redemption that would expand with each instalment or adaptation; They were great for a reason. All you have to do is look at the like to dislike ratio on the Youtube trailer, it's beyond fair to say that StarWars fans don't care about this message anymore, if they ever did.

They really scream "We don't give a fuck" with this part. There's a scene in the trailer where the younglings are told to "close your eyes" (HAHAHAHA! you can't make this up).

With a reported budget of over $49 million you'd think at the "close your eyes" scene, somebody would have said "hey! can we get one of the puppets with fucking eyelids?!" Thinking like a Disney director, isn't this a type of racism to non-eyelid having aliens? That Jedi should have his lightsabre taken away!